Showing posts with label Current State of the Crown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Current State of the Crown. Show all posts


It was definitely an internal battle earlier.

To shower or not to shower?

Showering still won though. I know I have to, so I will. And I did. Yay to having the courage to shower three days in a row! I think it also helps that I am seeing less and less shedding every time I comb my hair. It's now almost back to the amount of hairfall I get when I was still "normal".

I now have more courage to wear my bonnet -- not that I have a choice, but I've now learned to own it than hide it. I've even learned how to style it better! I'm actually looking forward to maybe buying a couple more, just so I have some variety.

Surprisingly, I also have been liking the taste of the Spiced Tea that I made. So much so that I brewed a liter of and I've slowly been drinking it. I'll share the benefits and the recipe within the week.

For those who stumbled on this blog looking for more information about Alopecia Areata and perhaps for support, I'd like to share a Facebook group that I am part of that has shed much needed light to our condition and what can be tried to help.

I'm a new member, but so far all I've been seeing are nice messages, helpful tips and doable recommendations. Please note that this is only for females, but if you're looking for a gender neutral group, I joined one too. I just haven't interacted here much.

I'm also a part of an all around female support group, which introduced me to a cool blog that I now visit daily. This group offers me good vibes and positivity everytime I drop by.

My mood is much, much better these days. Maybe it's the good food I've been preparing for myself lately, or if it's the medicine effects, or if it's just my outlook in general. Still not complaining. I hope this continues.

Here are my stats for today:

Weight
Mood
Temperature
Blood Pressure

See you next time!

P.S. I'll be using the abbreviation from now on to save space. CSC = Current State of the Crown
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Before anything else, I just want to say that I appreciate all the messages I've been getting lately. I was so scared of judgment that I can seriously count on my fingers the number of people that I told about what is really going on with me. And even within that group, less than half knows what I'm going through. I'd like to say I've never missed a day of blogging ever since I got diagnosed, and these blog posts are connected with my Facebook profile. So everytime I posted here, it gets shared to my social media accounts. For some reason however, a photo album of the blog pictures get created rather than being under the Featured Image blog photo. Of course, my Facebook friends are seeing it and I've been receiving quite a lot of comments and personal messages about it. I really do appreciate every single message (and I am surprised I am receiving this much support), but messages like this just doesn't sit well with me.

    "Kung ano-ano kasi ginagawa mo sa buhok mo kaya nagtatampo." (Your hair is mad at you because you do so much to it.)

    "Ayan kase kulay ka ng kulay ng buhok mo." (That's the effect of always coloring your hair.)

    "Kung ano ano kasing kaartehan ginagawa mo kaya nagkakaganyan katawan mo." (You're too vain that's why that's why that's happening to you.)

    "Baka naman kung ano ano pinapahid o iniinom mo kaya nagkakaganyan." (You're using too many cosmetics or taking too many unnecessary things which is why that's happening.)
Or something along those lines.

Look, not that I want to look ungrateful to the attention and support that I am currently experiencing, but I would love it if people would ask first what's happening and why it's happening rather than immediately pointing fingers. It does nothing to improve the situation. It just makes you look like a jerk, which I know you're not.

I know you're trying to tell me that you care and hope for my wellbeing, but saying those things just doesn't do it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just saying "I'm here for you." or "You can get through this." or any other paraphrasing or translation of that statement. That alone is enough, and much more appreciate than you blaming me for a condition whose reasons can't even be explained by science.

With that rant aside, I'd like to report a pretty awesome day today. I was able to drop by the grocery store and purchase a few things that I wanted and needed, like food and spices. I bought rice, bread, cheese, sweet potatoes, cooking oil, bullion cubes, sesame seeds, paprika, ginger and turmeric powder. Then I also bought some more vegetables in the wet market near my apartment and I cooked pinakbet. I wish I took photos but it doesn't really seem photo-friendly for me. That didn't stop me from finishing everything though. I don't know if it was because I was hungry or because I made good pinakbet on my first try.

I made some spiced tea to go with my healthy lunch too. I brewed green tea and added turmeric, ginger, cinammon and a tiny bit of brown sugar. I know I said I wouldn't try anything else aside from the medication I am currently on, but I don't think it would hurt to try and live a little healthier. I also really liked this tea that I had it twice. I don't know what to call it though. Spiced Tea?

Another thing I'd also like to share is the amazing boost of self-love and care that I experienced. Not only did I cook a healthy lunch and prepare herbal tea, I also took a shower twice in a row since my hair started falling out.

I became wary of taking daily showers when my hairfall intensified because I was scared of more hair falling out. I know, I was instructed not to skip showers to heal the dandruff that was starting on my scalp when I got diagnosed, but I just can't. Everytime I see and feel the hair strands shedding I just don't want to mess with it. That's why when I got the courage to take a shower, I did. I made sure to use moisturizer afterwards too and I felt really refreshed. I also made sure all traces of makeup was removed and used a sheet mask instead of just using a makeup wipe and going to sleep. I think yesterday was my best sleep in a long time. Not to mention -- my hair fall significantly lessened today.

I think it's both the effect of my thyroid levels normalizing and the corticosteroids calming down my immune system. I'm not complaining. I'm enjoying effects of actually feeling normal again. I wasn't able to get my vital stats checked, but I promise I do those tomorrow.

I'm also planning to move my blog to Blogger, because I do want to monetize my blog without having to purchase a hosting plan on Wordpress. I have tried to figure out how to do it, but I think it will all boil down to moving it manually, post by post -- which I'm not too excited about, but I think this would be a great way to revamp and streamline my blog. I will keep you all posted, as always.
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I spent the weekend in an emotional rollercoaster. I spent Friday extremely productive. I booked an appointment with a dentist (this is long overdue) and an gynecologist (because it's about damn time and I've read about the possible links of AA and the female parts). I finished about half of my laundry load, I deep cleaned my bathroom and I tried new (vegetarian!!) recipes.

Then from that lovely light feeling of productivity, I fell in a deep ugly crying session. I cried about my hair (surprise surprise), asking the cliche "Why me?", mourning for my hair generally. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up I drafted about six blog posts.

Pretty much still losing quite a bit of hair at this point. I fell asleep without even changing into lounge clothes so of course I wasn't able to shower. I woke up with an itchy scalp which went away after my first corticosteroids dosage. Fucking little pills punch a bitter explosion. I either take it with milk or a literal sugar spoonful. That's the only thing that can mask the taste right away. Kind of like chasing a tequila shot with lemon and salt.

    12/13/18
    01/14/18

Same routine. I was writing nonstop in my journal, noting various "remedies" and "cures" I was able to find on the internet and judging whether I am willing to try them or not. I'll share the information I've gathered in another blog post I guess. Then come the afternoon and I was bawling again. I don't even know the reason why. Perhaps it was my hair again, or I was feeling so hopeless about my situation, or my monthly visitor is just wrecking havoc.

The 14th of January was yet another productive day. A productive no-sleep day because it was back to work for me come midnight. So yeah.

    2nd day to wear a bonnet

Now I'm sitting here in my station wearing my bonnet and having a full face of makeup on. I styled my hair into two braids and just pinned the loose ends up and put on my bonnet. Then I made my face up. Defined eyes, blinding highlight, bold lips, the works. Probably not the best idea, but whatever. I need a confidence boost.

And I need a nap, I'm literally passing out. BRB in 45 minutes.

Okay, back.

Once I had my face made up, I realized that this may not be so bad. It opened up a lot of opportunities for me. Opportunities that I didn't even think of before, like wigs, hats, etc. I even got back into wearing makeup, which is really nice. I missed doing my makeup. I just have to choose between using makeup and trying out a new skincare routine. I'm not sure if it's okay to use makeup with new skincare routine.

So... now my goals are to make myself better. Maybe it's taking care of my skin, or making my skin color even. Or maybe creating new makeup looks. Or experimenting with wigs. That's another thing I wanted to talk about.

I was inquiring about a wig, and the conversation was going well until we talked about prices. It felt like a poisoned arrow when I realized how much my hair would have been worth if this didn't happen. I wouldn't need to look into wigs or anything at all and just be.. normal.

But right now I'm not and I have to deal with it. Diosmio, what a mess I have gotten myself into.

But is it really my fault? That my immune system decided it's a good idea to attack my own body? Perhaps, since this pretty much means that I wasn't taking care of myself.. Or maybe not, because genetic lottery is just not on my side in this lifetime.

In any case, let's deal with it.

Oh, and for my vital stats, I wasn't able to track those these weekend since I didn't have any means to. Resuming those tomorrow.

Sources: Advanced Hair Clinics and National Center for Biotechnology Information
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    Smiling despite being heartbroken.




I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.

Still, the fear of people knowing or being curious strikes fear in my heart.

Fear of judgment. Fear of gossip. Fear of pity.

But what can I do?

Not covering it up would invite much more questions.

    Highly visible bald spot.
I've been listening to a motivational podcasts lately and one thing stands out.

    Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful.

I have an ongoing battle within me, the good wolf and the bad wolf. Both of them ready to kill each other any minute of the day. Both are mortally wounded but neither have any indication of backing down.

Spotify: Motivational Podcast Playlist by Landon Lynn Clark

Everytime I listen to these podcasts, I see in my mind's eye that the good wolf is growing bigger, stronger, fiercer than the bad wolf. Everytime I get lost in my thoughts, the bad wolf growls louder and prouder. There have been multiple times the bad wolf has grown so big the good wolf looked like a newborn pup.

But somehow, the good wolf slowly recovers and catches up with the bad wolf.

I almost let the bad wolf win earlier. I was so fearful of what other people are going to say that I almost didn't want to go. But I have to, and so I did. I'm so proud of myself.

But now I'm here.

Standing strong and facing all these struggles. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Lately I've been researching so much about my condition, learning about any possible cure (there's none), chances of relapse, chances of passing it down, possible causes, diets or regimens that I can try.. All sorts of things that I can do to help myself.

Looking for something that can help me step up, get up, rise up.

The common denominator is to take care of myself. To realize and remember that I am a human being, I have limits, I need down time.

    I am proud of myself.

I am proud of being able to push myself farther and harder in everything I do. I am proud of creating me.

    But I am not proud of abusing myself.

There's a thin line between pushing limits and abusing capabilities.

I very well believe that I abused my capabilities. To bounce back, to endure, to ignore.

How will I proceed?

I'm not really sure right now.

But sure enough, I will overcome this.

I decided to start with making an effort to keep myself healthy. I got a new Fitbit Zip for starters.

    New Fitbit :)

As for the actual Current State of the Crown, here we go;

    01/11/18
    Weight: 53.2kg
    Mood: Flatline
    Temperature: 36°C
    Blood Pressure: 100/80

I think I'll also add in a screenshot of my Fitbit Dashboard somewhere.

Regarding my second day of taking corticosteroids, I feel mildly bloated and my favorite shirt feels a bit too tight on me. I don't really have an appetite as well. I think I've eaten less that a thousand calories yesterday.

The ointment is still the same -- meh.

I skipped the medicated shampoo today, as I'm only to use it MWF. So I used the gentlest shampoo I have, Johnson's Baby Shampoo.

I still have a lot of shedding though, and even thinner hair. Oh well.


I guess I have nothing else to do but take care of myself and as always, trust the process.

Note: These Current State of the Crown Posts are posted a day late. Please refer to the date noted in the post instead of the date the post went live.
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So I decided to make a blog series about my experience with Alopecia Areata, starting with out with my hair's current state and some progress pictures.

I will also be sharing with you my trichoscopy photos and how my medication is affecting me. I'm hoping to make this a daily post, but will most likely be an every other day thing. I still want to post about different things and I have a couple of posts that I am pretty excited to post about.

So, let's get started.


As mentioned in my previous post, I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata on the 9th of January, 2017 by my father's cousin, Dr. Felix Paolo Lizarondo. If you need a friendly, understanding and knowledgeable dermatologist based here in the Philippines, I highly recommend him!



Just a heads up, some people may be a bit grossed out by the next pictures, which are my trichoscopy photos.

Trichoscopy is a hair and scalp evaluation technique which helps in distinguishing conditions like Alopecia Areata and and Telogen Effluvium in my case. These are usually 10-fold or 70-fold magnifications but I think mine is just 10-fold.

The red flags of alopecia areata are visibly noticeable on my scalp, such as the exclamation mark hairs, coudability hairs and broken ends or what I used to call regrowth. I included a photo from the internet for comparison.








I also have the yellow dots and black dots, indicative of hyperkeratotic plugs and destroyed hair follicles.



Hyperkeratotic plugs are an indication of a presence of an abnormal quantity of keratin resulting in rough, cone-shaped, elevated papules. The openings are often closed with a white plug of encrusted sebum.



As for the scaling and irritated parts of my scalp, those are mostly after effects of me not washing my hair everyday -- resulting in itchy scalp, dandruff and icky stuff.

Now that we have that laid out, let me show you how my hair currently looks now, fresh out of the shower.

01/10/18

I have Diffuse Alopecia Areata, so rather than having patches of bald spots, I have very noticeable thinning all over.

Here are photos taken in a similar fashion so you can see the progression easily.
       






I have a very active case of DAA , which is why Dr. Lizarondo decided to act fast and prompt my system to hit the brakes. I was prescribed corticosteroids to be taken daily for 2 weeks. I started taking them on the 10th of January 2017 and holy fuck I wish I was warned about the taste. And the after taste. and the after after taste. Heck, even my burps taste like it !! The only thing that was able to "extinguish" the taste was a cup of milk.

I was told to monitor myself for anything out of the ordinary, and girl, I took that to heart. I am now monitoring my weight, mood, temperature and blood pressure.

    01/10/18
    Weight: 53kg
    Mood: Irritable
    Temperature:
    Blood Pressure:120/90

I think I'll monitor my water intake and food intake as well. Just for shits and giggles. I mean, I used to, and I don't know why I stopped. Life, I guess.

I was also prescribed a topical scalp ointment, calcium and Vitamin D supplements and a medicated shampoo. Let me just quote my journal entry for my first impressions regarding these products.

    ...the shampoo, well, it's medicated. What can I do. The smell is not too bad and it doesn't really linger. No irritation so far, except for a teeny sore bump I had on my nape after shower. It's gone now though. The shampoo felt a little weird when I washed it off though, as if my scalp absorbed the bubbles and it's just some viscous liquid that I applied. The cream is.. satisfactory, for the price. Come on. It cost nearly 3k for that tiny bottle! Of course I expected at the very least a cooling sensation, or a nice scent, or something. But no. It was just a semi clear gel that smelled literally invisible and felt like nothing when I applied it. Just a bit greasier.

To end this, I'm just a bit disheartened to know that it's not recommended to use a hair concealer or spray to hide the obvious balding spots yet, as it may interfere and contaminate my scalp and treatment. I mean, it's for vanity purposes, yes, and I know why it's not recommended, but your girl needs a little boost you know? I can't live in hoodies and not going out forever. Which means 2-3 months, since that's how long it takes for hair to actually and noticeably grow back.

Do I have anything else to say?

Hmm. Nope. Don't think so. I guess I can always add it in if needed.

That ends the first Current State of the Crown, meeting adjourned.

Information provided by my doctor, American Academy of Dermatology, Philippine Society of Cutaneous Medicine and National Alopecia Areata Foundation.
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 Smiling despite being heartbroken.

I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.

Still, the fear of people knowing or being curious strikes fear in my heart.

Fear of judgment. Fear of gossip. Fear of pity.

But what can I do?

Not covering it up would invite much more questions.

  Highly visible bald spot.

I’ve been listening to a motivational podcasts lately and one thing stands out.

Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful.

I have an ongoing battle within me, the good wolf and the bad wolf. Both of them ready to kill each other any minute of the day. Both are mortally wounded but neither have any indication of backing down.

Spotify: Motivational Podcast Playlist  by Landon Lynn Clark

Everytime I listen to these podcasts, I see in my mind’s eye that the good wolf is growing bigger, stronger, fiercer than the bad wolf. Everytime I get lost in my thoughts, the bad wolf growls louder and prouder. There have been multiple times the bad wolf has grown so big the good wolf looked like a newborn pup.

But somehow, the good wolf slowly recovers and catches up with the bad wolf.

I almost let the bad wolf win earlier. I was so fearful of what other people are going to say that I almost didn’t want to go. But I have to, and so I did. I’m so proud of myself.

But now I’m here.

Standing strong and facing all these struggles. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Lately I’ve been researching so much about my condition, learning about any possible cure (there’s none), chances of relapse, chances of passing it down, possible causes, diets or regimens that I can try.. All sorts of things that I can do to help myself.

Looking for something that can help me step up, get up, rise up.

The common denominator is to take care of myself. To realize and remember that I am a human being, I have limits, I need down time.

I am proud of myself.

I am proud of being able to push myself farther and harder in everything I do. I am proud of creating me.

But I am not proud of abusing myself.

There’s a thin line between pushing limits and abusing capabilities.

I very well believe that I abused my capabilities. To bounce back, to endure, to ignore.

How will I proceed?

I’m not really sure right now.

But sure enough, I will overcome this.

I decided to start with making an effort to keep myself healthy. I got a new Fitbit Zip for starters.

New Fitbit 🙂

As for the actual Current State of the Crown, here we go;

01/11/18
Weight:
Mood: Flatline
Temperature:
Blood Pressure:

I think I’ll also add in a screenshot of my Fitbit Dashboard somewhere.

Regarding my second day of taking corticosteroids, I feel mildly bloated and my favorite feels a bit too tight on me. I don’t really have an appetite as well. I think I’ve eaten less that a thousand calories yesterday.

The ointment is still the same — meh.

I skipped the medicated shampoo today, as I’m only to use it MWF. So I used the gentlest shampoo I have, Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.

I still have a lot of shedding though, and even thinner hair. Oh well.

mde

dav

I guess I have nothing else to do but take care of myself and as always, trust the process.

Note: These Current State of the Crown Posts are posted a day late. Please refer to the date noted in the post instead of the date the post went live.

Fear becomes progress and struggle is beautiful. I have come to the point that I can no longer style my hair to hide the spots.
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It’s been a long time since I was made a post like this.. I don’t even remember trying to post like this, like actually trying to put my thoughts on paper. I don’t even see myself as someone who can organize my thoughts.

It’s over. I broke it off. The sad thing is I don’t even know why. So I guess that’s a fuckup on my part. Getting carried away by my emotions. I don’t even know what we fought about, or why. It doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. But I guess things are like that. Things have to end. Even if you’ve given your absolute best.

I guess I have to start learning how to be alone again. Literally, irrevocably alone. Just like the old times. All I need to think about is myself and no one else. That should be good. This time I can focus on myself. Too bad I’m starting to feel like this is a bad idea and that this is the start of something that feels very familiar.

Like that point in my life that I had to be taken into a hospital because of my pride and stupidity. I guess the what I have to make sure of this time is that I make damn well sure I head for another part of the hospital.

*sigh* I’s love to say “| wonder” but I really don’t. I know why, and I know how. It’s because of stupid, stupid pride that I’ve lost the people I love. Stupid, stupid pride that makes me build walls upon walls upon walls. But I guess that’s how I am, and it’s really hard to change that. I thought I found someone who can at least understand and work through it, but I guess not. So that leads me here. And it leads to the end.

So farewell dreams of forever. I knew from the start you didn’t exist.
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You gave me so much memories. Memories I don't want to forget, but I don't want to remember either..

It's strange, that just when I thought I have forgotten about you, I just had to pass by that place. Your place. I just had to get a whiff of that scent. Your scent. 102.

Quite honestly, I froze, as if the world stopped. Every. Single. Memory. rushed back with no warning.

How we met, how we kissed, how you held me in your arms.

Our late night adventures, spontaneous trips and endless conversations.

Getting high and getting drunk.. in love?

No, never.

It was never love for us. It was the unknown that gave us our bond. My lips were never your drug. It was the taste of someone else, knowing that I was with someone else that turned you on and made you crave and desire me. It was, wasn't it? It was because I made myself available to you anytime and everytime you needed me. I was always there for you in the way I was never available to her. It was my inexperience that drew you in. You knew I was innocent, and you preyed on it. You corrupted me in the best way possible.

You taught me the how to disregard my plans, how to throw caution to the wind. You taught me how to trust in faith and to trust that everything will work out. You taught me to stop expecting anything, because you always did what I least expected. Why? You told me to believe in everything you said and promised, because you'll always do it. You did. Once, maybe twice. You promised that you'll always be there for me. You were, once upon a time. Then you weren't. I expected you to stay, but you didn't. I expected you to be there, but you never came. I expected you say it, but you never did. I expected everything from you, and you were nothing.

I'll blame it on the rose tinted glasses that you gave me, that fogged with the steam of your cooking.

I know my vision's bad, but my glasses were crystal clear. It slowly fogged with the hot plates of food you made for me. With my sighs everytime your lips met. With our heated exchanges everytime we fought. You colored it with red markers to disguise the blazing red flags my friends were waving at me. My vision was no longer bad, I got blinded, and holding on to you was the only direction I had. You lead me, lead me on towards the cliff. You whispered into my ear, saying that you'll catch me.. you'll always be there for me.. but you weren't. I fell. Hard.

I reached the bottom, broken and bloody, with your twisted fairytale to keep me company. I was so shattered.. I forgot myself. I tried building myself into the shape of you, only to fall apart again.

It was so fucking hard and you came.. to watch me.

I wanted you. I wanted to be yours. I wanted to claim you. I wanted you so much that I thought I needed you. I couldn't see anything or anyone else but you..

But you were already gone.

You left with sufficient explanations.. explanations I gave myself. Words that came back eating me alive. Words I wish I never said, because those very same words built my chains I was never able to break.

I spent agonizing days trying to reach you, be with you.. until one day I woke up with clear glasses.. the tint and fog washed away by tears. I stopped running after you, and started rebuilding myself piece by piece into who I really am. I started to see all the blood red flags surrounding you.

I deleted all traces of you, I threw away every single broken piece that resembled you and what we had. I washed all memories of you from the places we used to go.

I felt brand new, and I felt like I was able to move on..

Until that day, that place, that scent..

Fuck you, 102.
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Down below people walk the streets
Down below everything seems surreal
Down below it's like a fantasy
Life goes on with or without me

I face the heavens with one tiny prayer
Please guide me away from the edge of the brazier
Take my hand and lead me Lord
I'm not so sure of this letter

I close my eyes and feel the wind rushing by
Like thousands of murmurs and whispers
Welcoming me, seducing me
To be one with the pavement down below
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“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the beautiful Lilianne Ezperanza!”

Breathe in, breathe out. After seven long years of hiding, this is my big reveal.

Seven long years of repairing, recovering my lost self. Seven years of rebuilding, reshaping my life. It’s amazing really, how five months ruined me, everything I believed in, and everyone I cared for. Five months that had to be reversed by seven years.

I walked out, with my carefully perfected catwalk. I was greeted by flashing lights, by applause. I smiled, nodded at the familiar faces. I was presented with a bouquet of flowers, and smiled my perfect smile, my smile reaching my eyes for the first time in a long time. I looked around, and recognized the movement.

My smile wavered for a bit, but my steely composure will never shatter now. Sure, I remember everything, every word, every action, every single second. But I’m happy to say that I’m over everything now. Honestly, I realize with relief.

I smiled brighter, even laughing with joy.. Real joy this time. With a final wave to my adoring audience, I turn, and go back to the dressing rooms to prepare for the interviews. I glanced back once, and met his eyes.

Those clear brown eyes I know all too well. I’ve seen anger, lust, love, sadness, and insanity in those eyes. I’ve stared into those eyes pleading for salvation, for an end to everything, but I never got any. I remembered the early moments that led me to believe I was in love with someone who finally cared. Someone who actually took the time to understand me, to know me, to memorize every single detail of me.

Those eyes showed me that I can be free, that I can be happy and the world didn’t end. He was my savior from all the creatures under my bed, the monsters inside my head. The one who can make the skeletons in the closet vanish. I can stare into those eyes and say what I want, when I want without any reservations and without fear of being judged.

Sadly, those same eyes were the eyes I stared into while the one who owns them.. I shook myself from the recollections. I promised myself that I would never think of these messages ever again. Not today, not ever. This is all in the past now. I’m over everything that has happened. I have forgiven, I have not forgotten, but I will no longer remember.

I break the eye contact, close my eyes and breathe in, and breathe out. I will be okay. I am okay.

I have moved on.

Inspired by: Unlove You - KZ Tandingan
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So for my Asia Pacific Studies class, we were given the assignment to list down other people's first impression of ourselves and our alias when we were younger. For today's post, I'd like to share with you my class paper. :)

---

1. The most common impressions that I got from my friends are;

a. Know-it-all
- She always sat in front and was a little too attentive in class, she always answers questions and when she's wrong.
- She always had a book and pen with her and her library list is too long.
- She always answers "based on what I read" or "According to *some author or smart person*".

b. She wants to do it all kind of girl and attention seeker
- She always volunteers for class beadle tasks for each subject and joins clubs or other activities.. on top of her activities outside school. It's like she doesn't sleep.
- She accepts many tasks and then complains about how many things she has to do and that her schedule is filled.
- Her resume is filled with all sorts of seminars and activities
- She's Lakambini of this and Representative of that or Associate of this and Sponsor of that. I think you can find her name in every club and org available and not just a member but an officer. A major officer.

c. Control Freak
- She always writes in her planner and tells everyone what to do in group projects or where to eat or where to go after school. If things doesn't go according to her plan she either gives up or gets mad. She gets scary sometimes.
- She practices presentations too much and always has back-up plans and things for anything that might go wrong.
- When I ask her if we can go somewhere she checks her planner first before saying yes and then dictates the time when we can meet. Then she gets angry when I'm late and how many activities she had to move.

d. Suplada, unapproachable, mataray, high maintenance
- She was always made up and her clothes didn't have any stains or creases. I've never seen her wear 2-inch and below heels.
- She has a "resting bitch face" and when she walks it's like you don't want to stand in her way or talk to her.
- She always seemed occupied with some important thing and you don't want to bother her.

e. Rich kid
- She wears nice things and her clothes look well-made and expensive. She always speaks in English and doesn't know the meaning of some Filipino slang.

I was not surprised with their answers because I hear these most of the time, but I didn't know that I seemed like that to them. They did say that I have kind of relaxed overtime and that I have a lighter side to me.

2. My alias when I was younger was Esang. My nickname, Nessa was changed to Esang to make it uglier because of superstition. My grandmother told me that when I was 2 or 3 years old and was spending my first summer at our ancestral house in Nueva Ecija, I had a lot of imaginary friends and I didn't want to go home. The night before our trip back to Bulacan, I went missing and was found next to an old acacia tree in our manggahan (mango farm) covered in dirt and dried leaves. The caretakers who found me asked where I went and I pointed to the tree and I said that I don't want to leave because my friends would get angry. My elders called an albularyo (witch doctor) who told them to place a doll by the tree and call the doll Nessa and change my name so that the engkantos (tree spirits) would not take me again. We were able to go home to Bulacan and I never had any other imaginary friends. I don't remember being called Esang or staying for more than a day in our ancestral home. I was told this story when I was graduating elementary and had a project about growing up. I was looking for baby pictures and I found a scrapbook with my preschool notes, mementos, etc and the name written was Esang. The weirder part is that this has happened to every firstborn girl of our family's generation ever since my great great great grandfather brought home a girl he got pregnant and his mother didn't accept the girl and made him marry someone else.
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So a few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I visited the Ayala Museum. This time, my grandparents and I visited the Philippine National Museum of Arts and Anthropology. And yes, this is for another paper for my Asia Pacific Classes - South East Asia (Hi Mr. Paje!).

First of all, I just want to thank my grandparents for coming with me. I really appreciate the effort they made just to make sure their little girl (me) didn't go alone. Besides, I owe my love for learning to these two. I grew up reading dictionaries, watching the news and documentaries, and listening to myths because they provided that atmosphere. So here I am.

We met up at Jollibee UN Avenue, and so, so, so many memories flooded back to me. We used pull all-nighters in McDonald's to study and have coffee.. because we were so obviously drunk and underage. I used to have breakfast here all the time.. but that's not what this post is about so moving on!

From UN Avenue, we rode a jeepney and got off at the National Museum. What irked me is that I felt like the jeepney driver didn't even offer any other direction or told us what to do next. It was like being scammed and I don't like the feeling at all. We ended up walking at least 15 minutes under the hot sun and I was pissed because I don't like seeing Nanay or Tatay experiencing any difficulties. I actually wanted to ride an Uber but I wasn't able to book any (Thanks, LTRFB).

We finally got in the Philippine National Museum of Arts and was looking around, learning about the paintings and admiring the works of these famous people. We were able to admire the Spolarium, which is a HUGE painting. It's even bigger than my current apartment! I wonder how long Juan Luna painted this.. We also saw the Una Bulaqueña which is one painting that I am very interested about because I read somewhere that she could be from San Miguel, Bulacan, my hometown. Not entirely sure, but according to some research, Una Bulaqueña has already been identified. (I wasn't able to take a picture, unfortunately.)

    Nanay and Tatay admiring the Spolarium

I told Nanay that one day my paintings are going to be hung in a gallery just like this one and she said that I would either have to be very good at it or be rich and famous. Believe me Nay, I'm working on it.
Nanay and Tatay looking at Juan Luna's studio

 
    Nanay wants to recreate the statue through cross stitch!

After seeing most of the items on display, I realized that we were in the wrong museum. So we went to the Philippine National Museum of Anthropology where I felt much more at home. The items looked familiar and related to my research work.

Maybe we'll go back and explore the Arts building in detail when I take Fine Arts or something.

Here are a few items that caught my attention and are probably going to be the subject of my term paper..

Salaping Pilak from the San Diego shipwreck

    16th Century Astrolabe

    An intricate plow

Gold and Ivory Rosary and Silver Chalice

A few more photo ops.. There were a lot of good places for photos, actually, and I'd love to go back here and have an actual photoshoot. Not sure how that will work though, but we'll figure out a way. There were tons of Instagram worthy spots and the lighting is great!

    We are all National Living Treasures in my opinion.

    My National Living Treasures.

    May forever <3

    Obligatory "tourist-y" photos

    Obligatory "tourist-y" photos

    Showing off my BLAZING highlight

    #OOTD, of course.

    Thank you, Nanay and Tatay :)

Now all that's left is to make a term paper.. 2 pages short bond paper that's at least substance 20, Arial 12 font, 1'' margins and worth A++.
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