Hey there. This will be the last time I will ever, ever voluntarily contact you again. So you better waste you time and read this carefully.
Girl, it's okay to be bitter, but to go and make a fool of yourself online? And in my own profile nonetheless. I know you were looking at my profile the day you found out that post (and maybe you still are, the hell I care). How else would you see that post of mine? That was posted a long while ago and you found it! Amazing! You even told me, "pictures are just pictures", which further convinces me that you are truly touring my facebook account. To tell the truth, I don't even know why you're so angry at me. Your anger at my boyfriend, that I could understand, but towards me? Not really. As far as I know, we are both victims of his kalokohan (Me being cheated on and you being fooled and led on). I only posted your pics, not for public ridicule but as a teaser of what would come, should you have the guts to annoy me, because I know you're sneaking around my profile (or should I say stalking me.). I even deleted mean and harsh comments and judgmental opinions about you on that post because I didn't want any of this to happen and I didn't want any hate on an innocent person. Because I know that you are innocent of any wrongdoing. You just fell for a boy, which unfortunately is already taken, read, by me. But you gave me no choice. Absolutely none. Is this how you show that you're educated? Or is this your way to ask for pity? Is this how you heal your bruised pride, ego and broken heart? Remember, YOU started this. YOU were the one who first messaged me. You asked if I was his girlfriend, and of course I said yes, because I am. We've been officially together since August 2013,without any lapse. You even asked how our relationship was going. Of course I said it was good, because it was. Still is. I sincerely thought that you were just another one of his friends wishing us good luck and telling me how lucky I am to have him and call him mine. I wanted to be your friend, because his friends should be my friends too, and vice versa. Isn't that how relationships are supposed to work? But then, YOU started "cluing me" in his infidelity, even playing the "concerned friend". You even directed me to his new account, right? Even telling (and tagging) me about a picture of them together with him without a shirt. I asked you to send the picture over, but you didn't, and instead started commenting on a certain picture of mine, saying that I still haven't moved on and that those weren/t from my boyfriend. That's when I started to piece things together and suspect that you are Mich Ordeniza. if you're wondering how I did it, then let me tell you. The Taz Sweet account was messaging me as a sweet person, concerned and telling me to do something about this issue, and then all of a sudden, viciously commenting accusations on my picture. If you're going to manage two (even three) accounts and pretend to be different persons, at least try and keep your act every single second of the show. I should know, I belong to various theatre groups, and have been to countless acting workshops. You also liked the cover photo of the poser account, which, if you were really on my side, you won't do that. You would berate him instead. But you didn't. As my professors say, one point for the effort. You also mentioned RB lots of times.. Didn't you have any idea that he's our bestfriend? That's why he's in this whole issue, always being around my boyfriend, and always there for me. And clearly, you don't know him like I do. I know for a fact that if he liked me that way, he would tell me straight up. He is not a torpe or a shy type of guy. I have known about your existence and relationship with my boyfriend since it started. I have eyes or "bantays" on my boyfriend, just like he has on me. I just kept silent because I know he's only after the chase and not you. He just wanted to play, and you were the perfect toy. I feel sorry for you actually, being another name to put on his "conquered" list. He wasn't popular in high school for just being a school athlete, and I am not popular just because of my surname. Read between the lines, or even my timeline to know what I'm talking about. Now, if you didn't message me, I wouldn't have wasted my time talking to you. You tried to rile me up, taunted me and told me to do something about this. I am now, and have been for the past few weeks. I guess you thought that in doing so, you would get him to be fully yours, din't you? Guess what, your plan backfired in a major way, darling. Why? Because of your own doing. No one else to blame but yourself. Nobody, nobody but you. I tried to play nice with you sweetheart. I really did. I even wanted to meet you, remember? After you messaged me using the poser account saying that you didn't want any trouble and explaining your side of the story. After I successfully hacked that account and posted the truth that he really belongs to me, and not to you. I wanted to settle these issues once and for all, face to face. Because I know that you have done nothing wrong. Because I know you are innocent. And because I was once in your position, years ago, and I want to understand your side of the story even more, I wanted to apologize personally for what my boyfriend has done to you. But I guess you didn't foresee that, and got scared that you'll be facing the girl you're sharing a boyfriend with. If you really believed that you're on the right side, you should never be afraid of anything. Always remember that. This is also the reason why I'm taking me time and composing this letter. Because I know I am right. YOU asked for this, Mich Ordeniza. YOU were the one who told me to do something about this, right? I did, starting with that post with your pictures. Ever wonder how I got those? I didn't have an IT graduate ex-boyfriend for nothing. Go figure. And mind, there are more of those from where they came from in my possession, for sentimental purposes. If you feel like you do not deserve this, I will repeat, you asked for this, *insert offensive term for a querida*. You began with all the insults, remember? You even owned up to one of my statuses, (Feelingera. Echusera. Froglita.), even if that post wasn't about you. Seriously, you are so *insert offensive term for slow learners*. And you always drag RB into your comments and accusations. For what? For proof? For assurance that what you're saying is true? For back up? How immature can you get? You also kept on bragging about your so-called achievements and degree. I don't doubt your capabilities, but I doubt if you really learned beyond the books. You remind me of the amalayer girl, announcing to the world that she's educated and yet not showing it. A true lady will never resort to direct insults, just like you did. If he wasn't worth your time, then why did you have to say that you got him fair and square? If you really didn't care, you wouldn't even blink an eye. I assuming this is probably your first experience to be played, because you are clearly a beginner. I can't imagine a grown woman doing what you're doing. Goodness. I can't see the point of you and your insults, to tell the truth. Don't you have anything else to say? Let me tell you, that's what makes fights boring. Insults make fights and discussions boring. Especially nonsense and groundless ones. That's what all your insults are, after all. Incongruous and without basis. I know you never stole him from me. I know you didn't want any trouble. But you're not so innocent of any wrong doing anymore, seeing as you insulted me, my boyfriend, and even one of my friends. I think we deserve an apology. I myself am sorry for every single one of your wasted second on talking to me and reading this. I would even pay your "high income rate per minute" for all your time, but I suppose you don't accept pity money. I truly pity you, being treated like that. No one deserves to be treated that way. In behalf of my boyfriend and friends, I am sincerely sorry for causing you any disturbance, pain and tears. Let's put this behind us. What has happened has happened and we won't be able to change that anymore. But we can change the future. I still want you be my friend. I am not angry or mad at you. I don't have any hard feelings or anything. I am willing to move on. I hope you are too. - the one and only Janessa :) Below are pictures of our conversations. For old times sake :)I do not know what to think, what to say, where to go, etc... All i know is there is a force keeping me from letting myself free. I am trapped in my own mind, in my own thoughts. Pen and paper are the only friends that i can trust. They will not judge, they will not sneer, they will only listen.. And they will catch the tears, calm the storm, free my spirit. But. It only lasts for a few moments.. And then thoughts clutter my mind once again and the whole cycle starts again. Sometimes i have the courage to break out of this shell, to finally talk.. But no one is there to listen. Or at least that's what i feel. I feel like i don't deserve to be listened too.. I am only here to listen, not to talk.. To catch but not to throw.. Because i feel a heavy cross on my shoulders.. Though no one else but myself put it there. I filled my plate way too much, i'm full but i still wanted more.. And more.. And more. But i never wanted this.. It was just a pull way too strong and a voice in my head way too powerful.. Am i to be blamed for my mistakes? Yes. Because this is my life.. I guess i didn't learn responsibility because there were people always there to take them off my shoulders.. Because i had people waiting on me.. I trust too much and that's what put me here. But then i say that i don't trust easily... Ah, let's put it this way. I don't trust easily, but when i do, i trust fully.. Maybe that's why. I thought, when i get to this age i will be unstoppable. I will be matured, eloquent, a leader... But then, maturity doesn't with age, it comes with time..
My almost legal age crisis
Once tagged, answer all the questions by going to http://www.urbandictionary.com/, type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write down one of the definitions it gave you. I guarantee you're gonna find some pretty hilarious results.
1. Your Name: Janessa Shy with a hint of spunk. A little afraid to try new things but will adore them when she gets into it. She is lovely, beautiful and talented, but sometimes does not believe she really is. Can be a little crazy hyper! She thinks she's not a Janessa, but she totally is! -not entirely true. ahaha 2. Age: 15 One of the worst ages of being a teenager. You are in the middle and you wind up with the most problems that age. You are too young to drive without an adult, cannot go to the prom, and get a part time job like real teenagers. Your head is up your ass and one day you are still a kid watching cartoons and another day you'll like to have sex. This is also the age when most teen problems occur such as anorexia and cutting. Bob: I am 15... what a crappy age. Only a few months until I turn 16, I can't wait. -OH HAHAHAHA. 3. One of your friends: Ellaine 1)A girl who attends school, usu. referring to private or preparatory schools where uniforms are wore. 2)Any female wearing a uniform similar to that of a private/prep school student. Uniform consists of a white, short-sleeved top, sweater, plaid/single colored skirt, knee-high socks, and loafers; usu. referred to in the sense of a fetish. 1) Ellaine is that schoolgirl from Victoria Prep. 2) My friend is into those Asian schoolgirl websites. 4. What you should be doing: Eating buy eating mugs, tshirts and magnets eat ( P ) Pronunciation Key (t) v. ate, (t) eat·en, (tn) eat·ing, eats v. tr. 1. To take into the body by the mouth for digestion or absorption 2. Vulgar slang. To perform oral sex on 3. Informal. To bother or annoy 4. To destroy, ravage, or use up by or as if by ingesting 5. Favorite color: Purple Extremely potent marijuana, specifically marijuana buds that have a purple hue to them. Also accompanied by a fragant, usually fruity smell and mad perma-grin. Yo, you gotta come over and smoke, boy! I got the purple! 6. Favorite number: 24 24, The Jack Bauer Power Hour. The most entertainment you can stuff into a single day. Full of twists, turns, violence, and Elisha Cuthbert. I had all kinds of work to do, but I decided to watch 24 instead. 7. Month of your birthday: June The month the hottest people in the world are born. DAMN! i'm hot i was born in june! 8. Last person you talked to: Mommy the nice lady that takes me to school everyday and kisses me on the cheek because she loves me and doesn't want me to get hurt on the playground My mommy loves me very much 9. One of your nicknames: Lean To create Lean, a popular drink originated from Houston Texas, you require the following for the original formula: -Promethazine w/Codeine VC -Original Sprite Soda -Jolly rancher candy Put it all in a styrofoam cup and enjoy. The codeine is mainly responsible for the euphoric feeling after drinking lean. Promethazine causes motor skill impairment, lethargy, extreme drowsiness, as well as a disassociative feeling from all other parts of the body, specifically the stomach and digestive system. If it doesn't have promethazine w/ Codeine, it isn't real sizzurp. The mixed drink combination known as "lean", is normally the color purple, due the added ingredient sizzurp, which is originally a dark purple syrup. There are other colors of sizzurp which can be added to create lean, but the purple is the true sizurp Lean does not contain ANY form of alcohol, crushed pills, or other liquids in general. Dat lean got my thoed. Dat lean got my swervin. "Mayne... hol' up... I got too much lean in my cup..." -Quoted from a popular song found in the south. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now I'm bored again~Urban Dictionary defines ME. XD
(Edit) Was gonna post this at 11.59 kaso baka magloko ang broadband so ngayon na lang..
Hi Bes! :) Akala mo siguro nakalimutan ko no? Di yun pwede kay Enrile! >:) Sa tinatagal tagal ng friendship natin, this is probably the first birthday na hindi ako isa sa mga unang bumabati sayo.. Gusto ko lang maiba this year HAHA :D If someone told me na may magtatagal ako na friendship ng ganito katagal (sa ugali kong to), baka di ako maniwala. And then I met you (so parang ang tanda na naten nung nagkakilala tayo. HAHA) We've been friends for more than a decade.. We've seen each other cry, laugh, grow, have crushes, fall inlove, get heartbroken, etc (hahaba masyado), and we've had numerous fights pero wala eh, solid to! :) I just want to let you know that I can't let you know (huh? ano daw?!) how grateful and thankful I am to have met you.. someone who understands (kahit nga hindi eh!) me. Well sabagay, panong di mo malalaman eh kulang na lang magkatabi nanganak mga nanay naten sa sobrang tagal nating magkakilala! We've been there for each other every step of the way. I can't thank you enough na iniintindi mo yung ugali ko. I know I'm not the easiest (wag naman sana hardest huhu) person to be with pero andyan ka pa din... nakikinig sa paulit ulit kong drama, kulet, kagagahan, rants and many many more. andyan ka pa din sumusuporta.. umaaalalay.. nagbabantay.. at hindi bumibitaw kahit na napakagaga ko. I now realize how mean I was to you during the past years.. I've taken you and our friendship for granted for a lot of times.. And I really am sorry.. I know sabi mo, tapos na yun, na you've forgiven me, pero... I wo't stop asking for apologies. That was very immature of me.. Gusto ko pa sana lagyan ng memories natin to pero that would be too madrama na.. I know how much of a crybaby you are, and ayokong nakikita kang umiiyak. Tulad ng sabi ko sayo, walang may karapatang magpaiyak sayo, AKO lang. HAHA! :) JOKE! Waaaah, bes. -.-" SEVENTEEN ka pa ngayon! :( Tanda mo na! Pero isa lang ibig sabihin nun! Tatanda na naman ulit ako! :( I wanna be sixteen forever! Pero joketime yun kase ilang buwan na lang 18 na ko. K. Am just rambling. Happy happy birthday Bes! You don't know how much you mean to me. You were my guide when I was straying from the path, my light in times of darkness, the shoulder I know I could always, always cry on, my sense of right and wrong, my moral supporter, my emotional upper, my spiritual sister, my physical laugh-giver, the yin to my yang, the butter on my toast, cheese on my pizza, load on my sim, and etc (wala na ko maisip) BASTA! Importante ka sakin! TAPOS! Deh joke. HAPPY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MY ONE AND ONLY, THE NAG-IISANG ORIGINAL BESTFRIEND KONG TUNAY! :********* I love you and I miss you! Sorry kung inaasahan mo yung bati and presence ko earlier this day. Over my dead body na makalimutan ko birthday mo no! DUH! :) Ok. ok. Sabi ko nga nobela na eh. Loveyou Bvhe3xszzz! HAHA :D - Janessa Anne Louise Natividad Pablo your BES <3To the best bestfriend a girl could ever have..
Started another blog para may mapaglagyan ako ng thoughts ko...
Like, personal thoughts.
Not really expecting for anyone to follow this blog, kaya ayos lang kung walang followers.
I just want to document this momentous journey.
To document what I should've done a year ago.
Listening to "The Last Time by Taylor Swift"... For some weird reason natutuwa na naiiyak ako sa kanta na to.
Para kasing it's an awesome break up song.. Or letting go song. basta. Ang ganda ng meaning ng kanta na to para sakin... :)
Before May 3, kelangan makapagpasa na ko ng credentials sa FEU..
Yep, itutuloy ko na talaga to. :)
Seryoso na ko. :)
Yung course ko?
Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Business Management.
I know, it's Math, pero for some weird reason, malakas ang loob ko na itake up to.. Na kaya ko..
I know most people wouldn't understand, but I feel like I'm ready to face my fear.
Of Math, that is. :)
As I end this post, I think of another topic.. mehehe swapang lang. ^^
So, Um, Hey. :)
100 (Boring) Truths
My last entry was about moving on.
But how can I truly move on if he's coming back for me?
Back For Good
Ang lapit na ng birthday mo.
Ang lapit lapit na talaga. Mga ilang kembot na lang talaga. Konting konti na lang. At.. Konting konti na lang din, iiyak ka na naman. Actually kahit ngayon, konti na lang iiyak ka na eh. Ramdam ko na. Ayan na yung luha. Ayan na nga. Umiyak ka na. Masakit pa rin no? Grabe pa ba? Yung tipo bang gusto mo ng mamatay? Yung tipong bibigay ka na? Sabagay, naiintindihan naman kita. Akala mo kasi yun na eh. Akala mo infinity na. Tinitignan mo pa nga yung box kanina eh. Isang tingin mo lang, bumalik na lahat. Yung cellphone case na alaala ng oval moments nyo. Yung tatlong panyo na simbolo ng tatlong matinding away nyo. Yung mga yellow pad, long pad, at kung ano ano pang papel kung san ka walang sawang nagflames, naglovers, o umimbento ng pangalan ng magiging anak nyo. Naaalala mo yung saya, yung mga text, yung iloveyou, yung good morning, yung good night, lahat. Naaalala mo lahat lahat. Pati yung sakit. Siguro may mali ka ngang nagawa. May kulang. May kasalanan. Mali naman kasi talaga yung ginawa mo na yun, kahit ba ano pang sabihin mo. Maling mali yun friend. Pero tamang sabihin mo. Tamang sinabi mo yung totoo. Sana hanggang sa pinakadulo, ganyan ka katatag. Yan ka nila kilala eh. Ikaw si Janessa na matapang, mataray, matatag, walang inuurungan. Ikaw yung malakas yung loob, yung makapal yung mukha. Hindi ka takot ipakita kung sino ka talaga, at kung anong kaya mo. Don't lose hope, girl. Kaya mo yan. Nakaya mo kay Bes, kay Bee, kay 34VR. Ngayon, kayanin mo naman yung kay Beyb. Haha. Ang weird bigla sabihin. Parang nakakailang. Siguro sign to na kahit gusto mo pang ibalik, kahit may feelings ka pa, mas mabuting hindi na rin. Kasi memories na lang yung pinanghahawakan mo. Kaya mo yan Ness. March 17 lang yan. :)Almost.
There I was again tonight,
Forcing laughter, faking smiles...Junior and Seniors Promenade. No date. Just friends. No partner. Just girlfriends. With partners. Oh yes. What a memorable memory. LOL.
Same old tired lonely place...
Walls of insincerity, shifting and vacancy...
Eh. Some Junior just asked me to dance, and then left after a few minutes. Oh, just great. Reaaaally amazing.
...Vanished when I saw your face...
Okay, so I seriously know that I've seen you before, but I can't remember when. Crap, I can't even remember your name!
All I can say is I was, enchanted to meet you...